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Jimmy Fallon is brilliant.

Okay, so there is no wet T-shirt contest. But if there was, I’m not sure he’d win. Sure… he’s got pretty wet hair, but the boy has got concave tits. He’s such an emo/hipster/twink. That’s okay though, he’s still quite lovely. (That was me trying to use British vocabulary. Ha!)

I wonder what happens to a diamond-skinned sparkle-twink vampire when he gets wet. Do his sparkles fade, or do they glisten from the moisture and become even more gayishly brilliant?!

Just Jared has been dutifully covering the disrobing of the Twilight twinkie stars. This is the best possible publicity stunt ever: Get the hunkalicious stars of the cheesy teen flick to walk around shirtless and the girls (and gay boys) will cream their pants in anticipation of the movie release. Well played, well played…

Is that Kellan Lutz’s peen bulge?! Hawt. And check out that juicy badonkadonk teen boy butt. Yum!

More at JustJared here and here.

dlisted does it again with a post on Robert Pattinson that made me LOL. Via dlisted:

Robert Fancy Pattz arrived in Cannes to promote that movie about sparkly vampires with dry genitals who always get the shakes when that Kristen Stewart broad comes around. RPattz doesn’t look as dick buttery as usual, but I’m a little concerned about him standing in the sun like that. The unicorns frolicking in his magical forest hair will fry with all that grease! Seriously, his hair kind of looks like the inside of a deep fryer at McDonald’s at the end of the day. That being said, I’d still wipe my no-no on his hair and hit that shit!

io9 is having a Caption This contest for the New Moon poster, above. Here are a few of my faves from the comments:

“All your emo men are belong to us”

“Come with me if you want to feel the ecstacy of a thousand…. oh crap, SHE’S here again, dammit.”

And here are a few of my own attempts:

Bella: Hey boys, there’s a dickfor on your shoulder?
Edward and Jacob: (looking) Huh? What’s a dickfor?

Jacob: Ewwww. She’s gonna give me cooties.
Edward: I know, right?! I can help lick the cooties off of you.

From the upcoming movie Little Ashes:

via Towleroad

From his upcoming movie Little Ashes:

From his upcoming movie Little Ashes:

What’s up with the new trendy man stink? I’ve blogged about Zac Efron’s raunchy pits before. Now Robert Pattinson is a stinky gAy-lister too? This seems to be a new fad amongst the young closeted gay Hollywood twink scene.

I wonder if Zac and Robert are special friends, and give each other baby-wipe showers…!

And because I could never do this story the justice it deserves, here’s dlisted’s commentary that totally cracked me up:

Robert Pattinson also hates shampoo. And conditioner. And shower puffs. Fuck, he even hates water, because the dude apparently never washes his shit and it’s starting to gross out whores on the set of New Moon. Pig Pen lives in RPattz! So the sparkle dust must really be shiny dirt particles.

Some source who hasn’t grown to appreciate the fresh scene of a farting unicorn in the morning told E! (via SS), “He stinks. I mean, it’s awful. He never showers, and it drives people on the set crazy. He completely reeks.”

Robert himself will be the first to tell you that he isn’t really a fan of that washing his ass or anything else. A while ago Robert said he can go weeks, if not YEARS, without washing his magical forest hair, “I have so much residue crap in my hair from years and years and years of not washing it and not having any sense of personal hygiene whatsoever.”

I’m sure there has to be another reason why RPattz likes to make cheese on his body. He must feed the glittery unicorns that frolic through his hair! If he doesn’t wash his business, they can nibble on all the cheese they want! And he also probably thinks that if he reeks like Eww de Dick Butter, it will keep the sparkle-hungry fangirls off of him. Wrong. Because they will gladly lick his vampire ass crack. Butt jelly and all.