Jupiter Ascending and Princess Saving

I love this review (which contains only mild spoilers). And this reviewer’s biggest criticism is basically the same thing I said to James as soon as we walked out of the theater:

“If I had to critique this movie in any sort of, you know, actual way (beyond ‘it was a hot-ass mess’), I would say that I do wish the film had been a little less caught up in the traditional model of princess-saving. When I hear ‘Mila Kunis black leather space princess,’ I want to see her bulked the hell up, Emily Blunt style, kicking ass and taking names. We don’t get to see Kunis looking really cool until the very end of the film, at which point I wanted way more of that. Which, I guess, means I would pay for a sequel.”

On Having a Big Butt

I’ve always had a big butt. This is my tale.

I’ve loved running my whole life. The feeling of the wind hitting my face during my jogs and sprints is invigorating. One particular side-effect of being a runner is the enhancements it provides to the gluteus muscles. Yep. Runner’s butt.

During my freshman high school Track season, our uniforms consisted of the tiniest little green running shorts over the top of black spandex shorts. We’d often only wear the green running shorts during races. When we had home meets my friends would see me walking around in my skin-tight spandex and they took notice of the excessive curves I was rocking in my backside. And obviously, as teenagers do, they made it a meme.

This was also around the time that Sir Mix-a-lot’s famous song about big ol’ booties was popular on the radio. Immediately my nickname became “Baby Got Back,” and also sometimes, “Becky,” as in, “oh my god, Becky, look at her butt.”

By sophomore year we conceptually leapt across genres to the Beatles song Get Back (which is linguistically somewhat close to Got Back). That song features two characters: JoJo and Loretta. I have no idea why I didn’t get to be JoJo. But I didn’t. Instead my nickname became Loretta. Probably because it had already been Becky, so it made perfect sense to swap it out for another lady’s name.

So yes, my butt is a thing. A big thing. A source of nicknames. Of song attributions. Of humor and jokes. A spectacle in shiny leggings. A reason why jeans never fit. And while I was once embarrassed and even a little ashamed, I now love my gargantuan posterior.

Big. Booty. Pride. Forever.

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My Spirit Animal

Three things.

1) This woman is my new spirit animal. I love her and she is my everything right now.

2) This is TOTALLY my jam. It’s the only song I will ever ever ever sing at karaoke (and I know all the words by heart and totes obvi sang along as I watched this video).

3) This is baaaaasically me at the gym every night. Maybe without the bent over booty shake. But pretty damn close.

For the Love of Green

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I was five when my world changed.

Up until that point I’d been a pretty big Superman devotee. Back then Superman was the All-American Hero. Incorruptible. Kind. And often only conquered or defeated when his love for and need to protect others was used against him. I admired these traits as a little kid. I watched Super Friends religiously every morning before school. I was five and in kindergarten when one day as I was watching an episode of Super Friends my life changed forever.

There’s this one episode in which Superman and Green Lantern must merge together (I know, super gay, right?), in order to create the universe’s most powerful weapon and defeat some big bad villain. In that moment, the power of the Green Lantern was revealed. My eyes were opened. And a life long obsession began.

Many things appeal to me about Green Lantern. His bravery. His strength of character. His will power. All things that make him a powerful wielder of the green light. (And Kyle Rayner = mega swoon.) But as I’ve gotten (much) older and my love of GL remains as strong as ever, I’ve realized it goes beyond these personality traits.

There’s something really compelling about how he taps into a great source of power, bends it using his imagination, and forms impressive creations. It might sound like a bit of stretch, but I sometimes like to think of my career in word-making this way. I tap into this huge source of words, letters, metaphors, and concepts, I imagine how they could be rearranged, what things could look like if we stretch our thinking, and then I form an interesting new twist on a word or concept to breathe life into a product or company.

Certainly not all of my naming projects are this exciting and creative. But some of them are. And those are the most rewarding and the ones that make me feel closest to my childhood idol.

Also, if you doubt my obsession, check out my fanboy blogposts over the years.

And apparently there are sexy Green Lantern male lingerie for sale for your Second Life avatar. How do I get these made in real life??

Fox and the Hound

When I was a little kid my favorite stuffed toy was Todd the fox from Disney’s Fox and the Hound (which is still one of my favorite movies of all time because it’s about friendship and love that transcends cultural and racial differences that we are taught as we grow up, and I still cry when Big Momma sings “Best of Friends” and when Copper saves Todd from being shot at the end). I carried my best friend Todd, *everywhere* I went as a kid. My Dad had built us these really awesome play houses and a tree house (two of the houses were on top of these massive boulders and one was literally way up in a tree and they were all connected by ramps and stairs with guardrails and everything!). My sister and I played out there ALL the time. One day I took Todd out for our daily adventures but then accidentally left him in one of the forts overnight. When I woke up I was freaking out that I couldn’t find him. As we walked outside we found him maimed on the back lawn — the dogs had discovered him and chewed off one of his ears. I was devastated.

Moral of the story: Don’t be careless with your toys and don’t leave your toys outside. If you show up late to our party on Friday night you and your fellow misfit toys might just be required to wait outside while the bouncers do their crowd control duty (it’s going to be a very crowded event). I’m just trying to prevent you from suffering the same toy-related the pain I suffered those many years ago. Come play with us, our toys, your toys, and everyone’s toys, but do it on EARLY side of things.

Also, after browsing through Google images, I’m just now realizing after all these years that Todd was totally the bottom.

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City Driving Daydreams

Most of the time I drive Jean Luc (yes, my car has a name, and yes it’s named after Jean Luc Picard) around this congested city like I’m in a combination game of Frogger and Tetris. Zipping in and out of the constantly changing road landscape, neatly fitting into tight spots. Occasionally, as many of you know, I throw in a touch of Speed Racer as I see a series of openings down the road and slam my foot down and my very sporty engine catapults me in-and-out of cars, to the front of the pack.

Lately, in my mind’s eye I’ve been imagining a touch of Mario Kart seeping into the equation. I mean, I would *never* get aggressive or violent on the road or cause any damage or harm. I’m not a roadrager. Not outwardly, anyway. But sometimes people just do the dumbest things. I take it back, not sometimes… Every. Damn. Day. Let’s get real. Driving is like a game of chess. I’m generally looking six, eight, ten moves ahead. “Ok, I need turn left a few blocks from now, I should probably start looking to get over into the left lane. Except that there are always delivery trucks blocking the left lane on this upcoming block, so I’ll cut over just after those and be in the right place at the right time.” Which apparently is not how my oh-so-attentive road mates think about things, “Oh I need to turn left RIGHT NOW but I’m in the far right lane at the intersection. Ok, might as well go for it and cut across three lanes of moving traffic. Oops my bad. Sorrrries.”

Did they forget? Not care? Enjoy inflicting momentary dread into the hearts of dozens of other drivers? Enjoy hearing the sound of brakes squealing? It seems most of them aren’t even looking at the one move directly ahead of them on this chess board of city driving. Probably because they’re too busy texting, talking, or picking their nose (no judgment, but if you can’t pick your nose and drive at the same time, save the green-gold excavation for when you’re not wielding several tons of metal around innocent bystanders).

Oooooooh! Speaking of chess, this gives me an even better daydream. Instead of Mario Kart, it would be so badass if driving were more like that awesome game of Wizard’s Chess that Ron, Hermonie, and Harry had to play in the Sorcerer’s Stone. The one where the pieces would smash into each other and destroy each other… where the Knight slices the other piece in half. Oh damn. That would be SO. MUCH. FUN. “Siri: How much would it cost to install a giant metal-slashing saber on the front of my car…? No, Siri. I’m not trying to buy a used Buick LeSabre. Sigh.”

Which reminds me. I’m terrible at chess. So maybe I’ll just stick to driving. And daydreaming about Mario Kart instead.

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Socrates Are Great

I’m wearing the first pair of my Socrates socks today. (Yesterday’s post explains it all.) So far, they’re comfy, haven’t slipped an inch down my leg, and are super cute. And because you were wondering, that’s my left calf in the picture because I’m pretty sure he’s more photogenic than his right-sided brother. That is all.

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OMG. Socks.

It’s nice to be reminded that the good things happen in the universe.

Years ago I funded a Kickstarter at maximum level because: a) it was for new socks that were super awesome (they don’t wear out, they’re made of kevlar fabric, made from army/navy technology, they don’t slip down your leg, etc.), and b) the name was freaking awesome: Socrates. I mean, come on guys… Socrates. The smarter sock?!?! That name alone was worth the full funding level. Naming geeks like me get off on this kind of stuff!

So anyway, they had some trouble with the kevlar, had to find new fabrics, reengineered the socks, etc., and the dude updated all of us constantly on where they were in the production process over the years. Late last year they started fulfilling orders, but I had already moved. I tried logging into Kickstarter to update my address to no avail. I mostly gave up and hoped that mail forwarding would work.

Then on January 1st my mail forwarding expired and an email update arrived stating that the last shipment of socks was being shipped. I tried to login to Kickstarter one last time with no luck. Oh well, I figured I’d happily sacrifice my hundreds of dollars in the name of better consumer technologies and a brilliant brand name.

Then last night. I get home. A package awaits. Nondescript. Mail-fowarding. Soft. Squishy. I open it up. My socks! Purple. Teal. Grey. Blue. Black. Fuck yeah!

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Keeping Conference Calls Fun

That conference call was amaaaaaazing.
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A Fishy Dilemma

10 years ago this very month I read a book that changed my life. Once I’d read Mad Cowboy (written by a cattle rancher who tells about the disgusting ways in which most beef/chicken/pork is actually raised in the US), I gave up eating meat for environmental and personal health reasons. After five years of being strictly vegetarian I added fish back into my diet, thinking it was the healthiest way to diversify my protein intake. Now, with the endless and horrific stories regarding the pollution of the ocean (from human refuse to tsunami debris to radiation) and the environmental impact of overfishing, my two key rationale for eating fish (health and environment) have been obliterated. I’m at a crossroads again just as I was 10 years ago. I’m struggling with whether I try to go completely vegetarian again (highly unlikely given my lifestyle, activity levels, and the amounts of protein I need to consume) or back to eating meat as long as I acquire it at local farmer’s markets with the assurance it’s grass fed, free range, and organic. I know there are still good ranchers out there — my dad raises his cattle free range, grass fed, and is certified organic. It’s just… after 10 years my stomach actually turns at the thought of ingesting meat again. Morality can be extremely inconvenient sometimes. Argh. Any thoughts from my veggie friends who eventually went back to meat? Any thoughts from my pescetarian friends on the moral dilemma surrounding the death of the oceans? Help a fish-eating brother out…

I Am a Liberal Not a Democrat

“I Am a Liberal Not a Democrat”

This simple statement is perhaps what separates me in a not so simple way from so many of my left-of-center friends and acquaintances these days. You see, I am first and foremost a Liberal. I have social, moral, and philosophical principals that are quite liberal. I then support economic and political policies that help promote those beliefs. And it so happens that on more occasions than not, political candidates who join the party called “Democrat” share my principals and policies. But not all Democrats do. And not every Democratic politician shares the complete set of liberal principals. As the party called Democrat gets pulled further to the Right, I find myself more often critical of those political figures who stray rightward, especially when their policies and principals clash with my own.

It is because I hold these liberal principals above that of party affiliation that I can criticize a Democrat. I know, I know, heresy! Party Unity! Democrats are better! Etc. Etc. But blind party allegiance, and/or blind allegiance to any single political figure is simplistic in the least and dangerous at the worst.

Don’t get me wrong. I still believe that by and large the Democratic Party, as bought-and-paid-for as it is, is still less evil than the Republican Party. One Party wants to destroy labor unions, eliminate the minimum wage, take away a woman’s right to choose, prevent gays from marrying, cut funding for the poor and elderly, destroy social insurance, and privatize every element of the common good. And the other Party does not. So in very fundamental ways the parties are still very different. However, that does not mean that they are not very much the same in some very troubling ways.

A most notable similarity is the parties’ stance on right to privacy in this Age of Terror. I call it the Age of Terror because the “terrorists” have won. By committing their horrendous acts on September 11th, they fundamentally changed our way of life and, our government, and eroded our ideals by striking fear into the hearts of Americans. Since that day we live in constant fear and are so afraid that the next downed plane will hit our town/building/loved ones that we are all too willing to sacrifice our rights to privacy enshrined in the Fourth Amendment. Initiated under Bush and continued and augmented under Obama, the “protective” surveillance state has gone down a path with an undeniable Orwellian destination.

“Why worry if you have nothing to hide?” A false counter-argument. The argument being debated should be: “Why trust the government with this much information and power over their citizenry?” “But Obama is a good guy with good intentions.” While I agree with this assertion, this is also a poor defense of today’s unchecked surveillance state. We should never create a policy or institution because we happen to trust the person currently wielding the power of that policy or institution. Case in point: When Bush first started circumventing FISA to spy on suspected terrorists, Democrats were up in arms because they didn’t trust Dubya (or more likely they didn’t trust Cheyney and Rumsfeld and their neocon cadre). Republicans, however, spoke eloquently about how Bush could be trusted to use this spying power as our great protector to stop the bad guys. Today, the tables have turned. Today Obama has expanded Bush’s unchecked spying by building a massive storage facility that collects, monitors, stores, and analyzes data on ALL Americans (whether suspected of wrongdoing or not). Democrats, for the most part, have fallen into a HopeyChangey trance, parroting the Administration’s claims that Obama needs this information to stop the bad guys. A shocking poll released this week showed that a majority of Democrats polled support these spying actions, while a majority of Republicans polled oppose them. See what happened there? The people who once supported the extreme invasion of privacy and erosion of the Fourth Amendment suddenly stopped supporting it once their trusted protector was no longer the one with that power.

And that’s the most important point. We must create policies and institutions that don’t rely on someone who we trust and believe has good intentions to execute the policy or yield the power of that institution. I ask my fellow Democrats: What if some crazy Right Wing Republican gets elected after Obama? What if he manages to also have both houses of Congress on his side? Let’s be honest, this is not totally impossible (um, G.W. Bush 2001-2006). What if they decide that Liberals or Gays or Mexicans or Unions are up to no good and use the spying power that our guy helped create and augment, to spy on these opponent groups? It’s like the faux-IRS scandal but 100 times worse.

And the thing is, it’s not even hypothetical. This is what Watergate was all about. Nixon took advantage of the unchecked power afforded him. It blew up in his face and we the people, through our elected representatives in Congress, changed the system to prevent that sort of thing from happening ever again. Until, of course, one President and Congress came along and passed the Patriot Act and then proceeded to ignore the safeguards put in place post-Nixon. The downward spiral began. Then in 2007 and 2008 a voice cut through the silence on these abuses promising that if elected he’d put a stop to this unprecedented invasion of privacy, that his administration would be the most transparent ever. He said what he needed to say to get elected and promptly shucked the parts that didn’t work for him once in the big leather seat.

Now the government yields a power unlike any it has ever held before. And neither party is willing to put a stop to the reaches of that power. And that’s because both parties have come to be similar in at least this one important way: their need to gain and maintain power. So while some Republican politicians will go on TV denouncing this power to spy on all citizens, they won’t really mean it. They’re close to having both Houses of Congress and they came close to carrying the Big Stick in 2012 too. And they fully expect they’ll take all three next time around, and that power sure will come in handy then. Of course Democrats don’t want to sacrifice this powerful information tool they’ve created either. Not if their party leader tells them it’s necessary to retain the power they’ve secured.

It’s because I don’t hew to any Party label or blindly swear allegiance to any Party leader that I speak up. It’s because I’m mored by deep philosophical, moral, and social foundations that I stand up against this Democrat as he distances himself from those things I hold dear. The spying policies Obama has promoted and the institution of invasion into personal lives that he has supported are things with which I fundamentally oppose and disagree. Any Liberal, nay, any American, should oppose this slippery slope of privacy invasion in the name of the Fourth Amendment.

I leave you with this:

“Experience hath shewn, that even under the best forms of government those entrusted with power have, in time, and by slow operations, perverted it into tyranny.” – Thomas Jefferson

Wonder Woman Done Right

Female Super Hero Fan Film from Jesse V. Johnson on Vimeo.

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More on Seth McFarlane’s Sexism

Because they all do a much better of job expressing the same outrage I felt, here are the best articles I’ve read about sexism at the Oscars this year.

The New Yorker: Seth MacFarlane and the Oscars’ Hostile, Ugly, Sexist Night

Vulture: Why Seth MacFarlane’s Misogyny Matters

Jezebel: Sexism Fatigue: When Seth MacFarlane Is a Complete Ass and You Don’t Even Notice

Pump Dragon

Presented with only one more comment: Swolbraham Lincoln. Nuff said.

So-so Music. Awesome Video.