Loganotron

It looks so bad.

Love this.

OMG, Fucking awesome. Thanks to Dr. Toast for sharing this one with me!

First DC released Green Lantern: First Flight, which was awesome. (Read my review here). Now they’re set to release another one called Green Lantern: Emerald Knights. Both of these animated films look about a million times better than the live action movie is likely to be. Sigh.

I couldn’t figure out how to link directly to this section of Ricky’s blog, so I’ve snipped it and included it here. Make sure to check out Ricky’s blog though. He’s so freaking awesome.

Without further ado, Ricky Gervais’ sample Oscar opening dialogue:

Oh, and good luck to James Franco and Anne Hathaway at The Oscars on Sunday. I know how nervous they must be right now.

They will do an absolutely fantastic job and don’t need my help, but I’ve written a little opening in case they have a few minutes to fill.

(Drum roll)
V.O.
Ladies and Gentlemen.
Please welcome your hosts for this evening…
James Franco and Anne Hathaway

(Music and applause)
(James and Anne walk out looking absolutely perfect)

JF
Hello and welcome to The 83rd Academy Awards,
Live from Los Angeles.

AH
That’s foreign for City of Angels.
And this room is certainly filled will those angels.
(Applause)

JF
Thank you. I’m James Franco.
AH
…and I’m Anne Hathaway.

JF
You probably know me from 127 Hours where I play a man trapped in an enclosed space who decides he would rather cut his own arm off than stay where he was. Now that sounds “way out” but wait till half way through this fucking ceremony and you’ll start to identify with him.

AH
And I’m the new Catwoman. The first white woman to play that role since Michelle Pfeiffer. I want it to be an inspiration to all white people everywhere. Your dreams can come true in Hollywood too.

JF
It’s a daunting task hosting The Oscars but we’re not alone. Presenting awards tonight will be a string of Hollywood legends and some other actors who have a film out in March or April.

JF
Usually they hire comedians to host The Oscars, but tonight, instead, you get us!

AH
No comedians tonight. And do you know why? Because comics are ugly.

JF
Especially that rude obnoxious one who played the Steve Carell part in the English remake of The Office.

AH
But you can all relax because Ricky Gervais is in London…

(Nervous laughter)

He’s doing some charity work.
Yeah, he’s visiting orphans with cancer.
He’s telling them what bald little losers they are…

JF
Yeah, cos he’s rude right?

(Applause)

Thank you.
No rudeness tonight.
It’s going to be a night of the most privileged people in the world being told how brilliant they are and thanking God for loving them more than ugly poor foreigners.

(Applause)

That’s not to say that we don’t care. No, apart from all the great movies we made this year we continued our life-saving philanthropy. Mega stars like Angelina Jolie, George Clooney and Ben Stiller brought light to third world poverty and famine and shocked the world with visions of children so hungry they’d been living off dead beetles all their lives.

AH
Yeah and Yoko Ono said. “What’s wrong with that?”

(Laughter)

JF
Oh Anne you are naughty. In a respectful, wholesome way.

(Nodding and smiling)
That Ricky Gervais should do more for charity.

(Murmurs of agreement)

Ricky Gervais is now worth $80,000,000. The obnoxious Brit confirmed the figure, adding,”Yes and my dentist hasn’t seen a penny.”

AH
Yeah, why doesn’t he get his teeth straightened and bleached like everyone else in Hollywood?

JF
It’s a good question Anne. For the same reason he doesn’t have botox or suck up to important producers – there’s something wrong with him.

AH
There must be. Why isn’t the stocky, fangy, little slob more like us, right?

JF
That ugly dude needs to get a Hollywood makeover, big time.

AH
Quite. And even though most of the actresses here have eating disorders, that’s better than being fat right?

JF
You bet it is gorgeous.

AH
You are so handsome.

JF
Exactly.
You know Ricky Gervais used to be bulimic.

AH
Really?

JF
Yes. He’d often gorge himself for hours with cheese and cakes.

AH
And then vomit right?

JF
No he left that bit out…

(Mild laughter)

AH
That’s because he couldn’t get his fat fucking fingers in his stupid mouth.

(Big laugh)

JF
Anyway let’s get this show on the road.
There were some great kids’ movies this year.
I took a five year old to see Toy Story 3 last week.

AH
Did you enjoy it?

JF
No it was ruined for me because the little brat was screaming and crying all the way through the film saying, “Who are you?” “You’re not my daddy.” “Take me back to the park where you grabbed me…”

(Laughter)

AH
Oh James, you are a card. And your slightly risky jokes are not threatening because you’re one of us. And you are so handsome.

JF
Absolutely.
So let’s get this show on the road.
Our first presenter is a Hollywood legend whose boots Ricky Gervais would not be fit to kiss…

The wonderful…
Mel Gibson…

(Standing ovation)

And so on…

Oy vey. This doesn’t look particularly good. Of course, the exclamation, “Thunder, Thunder, Thundercats, Hooooo!” brought back all kinds of fun childhood memories. Maybe there’s still some hope for the movie. (fingers crossed)

UPDATE: Here’s the story behind where this footage comes from, and the status of the Thundercats movie.

The new Britney Spears video came out tonight. I watched it. I was underwhelmed.

Then I watched the new Thor trailer. I was the opposite of underwhelmed. Whelmed? Overwhelmed? Fucking ZOMG is what I was.

Oh. Hell. Yes.

I’ll admit to being less than enthusiastic about the Captain America movie. I thought Chris Evans (although I adore him and his body to death) was a bad casting choice. I also thought the early costume pictures seemed too boring. But this poster actually got me interested again. There’s just something about the quiet seriousness of it that makes me want to know more. Maybe this movie will be okay after all.

My buddy Marc sent me this one. Very much RFOL.

I still hate the costume.

I couldn’t help but repurpose this quote from The Dark Knight:

Nancy: Then why was it me who was the only one who lost everything in November!?
Batman: It wasn’t.
Nancy: The GOP chose me!
Batman: Because you were the best of us! They wanted to prove that someone as good as you could fall!

The difference between Nancy Pelosi and Harvey Dent is that Pelosi is still kicking and fighting the good fight.

Never give up, Nancy!

Hrm. I’m skeptical…