Entries Tagged 'Crush' ↓

The Way Things Ended Over the Years via Alanis Songs

2002 Loving someone who was only capable of loving himself

2009 Dragging it out far too long

2012 Accidentally discovering he’s cheating really stings

2014 Physical violence leaves a lasting mark

2015 Longing for things that never came to be

You Must Be This Tall To Ride This Ride

Okay, so here’s the deal. I have rules about dating. But then a guy comes along and I feel a spark. The spark. You know the one. It’s that electric shock you feel that makes you say, “fuck off!” to your rules. It overwrites and short-circuits any safeguards that might’ve been in place. Rules be damned. I dive in head first, pursuing the connection, with no regard for self-protection. Passion and infatuation blur my senses as my rules slip further and further into oblivion. Then a matter of weeks or months (or even years) pass and shit unravels. I suddenly realize that the crap I’m dealing with is a direct result of the rule or rules I pissed on and then shoved in a deep dark corner. And as I slam my palm into my forehead, I remember why I had rules in the first place. Le sigh.

I may or may not have recently (ahem, yesterday) found myself in this very situation, yet again. So, it’s time to revisit my rules. Time for a 2011 rule book update. My list is lovingly titled “You Must Be This Tall To Ride This Ride.” But make no mistake, this is only a metaphor. I love me some pocket gays. Seriously. Short dudes are among my favorite. There are a few traits that get extra gold stars as attractiveness goes: Short, Jewish, Big noses (jewish or not), Big penis (more of a requirement, but still gold star-worthy), and Blue eyes. Of course, I don’t limit myself to these traits (except the big peepee one). It’s just that I find these traits to be extra awesome when they come my way.

So, much like Alanis Morissette has her list of 21 Things, I’m starting my own list of requirements, preferences, and rules to which I promise to hold true.

You Must Be This Tall To Ride This Ride
(aka Logan’s Dating Requirements)

  • You must be wicked fucking smart. I mean, not smarter than me, obviously. But almost.
  • You must be no more than five years younger than me. Currently that means 28 years old and above.
  • You must have a job that pays well enough for us to buy nice things and go to fancy places. I don’t want no scrubs.
  • You must have lived in San Francisco for more than a year. Twice now I’ve fallen for the recently arrived gay homosexual. Twice it was a bad idea. Go fuck around and then let’s talk a few years down the road after you’ve sewn your wild oats (or whatever the gays are calling their semen these days).
  • You must want to screw like rabbits. I’m toatlly not joking. Like, not even a little bit. This is a big deal for me. I have a voracious sexual appetite. Not that I hook up with a ton of strangers to satisfy said appetite. But if I’m with a committed lover, we’d better not be able to keep our hands off of each other.
  • You must be athletically inclined. Mostly this means hitting the gym a couple times per week at minimum. Because if we’re going to have sex three times a day, you’re gonna need some mad crazy endurance and stamina.
  • You must love pets. I grew up on a cattle ranch. We had dogs, cats, ducks, horses, cows, and a goose. I love dogs and cats equally and when I eventually have my own place I want several of each. So yeah, don’t be fucking allergic to pets because trust that the pets will be sleeping in the bed while you’re sneezing your way out the door.
  • You must be a liberal and politically aware. It’s okay if you’re not as passionate about politics as I am. You don’t even have to be as far left as me. But if you ever use the terms “conservative,” “moderate,” or “libertarian,” to describe yourself, then sayonara muchacho.
  • You must be willing to go all in. Love like there’s no tomorrow. No holds barred. Feel it. Express it. I’m too old for fucked up games of “does he like me or does he not?” Be in touch with and embrace your emotions. Because I’m gonna let you know how much I like you. And I can only lay it all out there sans reciprocation for so long before I become a moody unrequited Logan. Do you really want to play games by holding back your affection and be the one responsible for the frown upon my face? Yeah, didn’t think so. So, Bring it!
  • You must love to laugh. I cannot emphasize this one enough. If I could extra triple bold that first line, I would. You see, I love life and I love laughing at life. I can be reduced to hysterical giggling tears from the simplest of jokes. My mom used to call me my Dad’s own personal Ed McMahon. His jokes were never very funny, but I loved them. I still love silliness and laughing until I cry. (Helpful hint: Reciting lines of Shakespeare in chicken clucks and whale song imitations are sure-fire ways to incite such a giggle fest. Especially when performed in public.)
  • You must enjoy stillness. I know this flies in the face of the silliness thing I just listed. But, sometimes spending a quiet weekend day on the couch can be just as fulfilling as a day spent brunching, shopping, or bouncing around the city mooing at passersby. And if I’m enjoying a quiet day reading a book, the only reasons you’d better be bugging me are a) to be offering me food, or b) to be instigating sexy times.
  • You must enjoy, respect, and celebrate independence within a relationship. Growing up in the woods, I have developed a powerful need for quiet, introspective time. While I want to share lots of things with a partner, a key ingredient to a successful relationship is having separate interests, hobbies, and friends. I’m an independent woman, so have your own life and let me have mine, hokay?

That’s about it for now. I’m sure the next relationship will yield new additions. But for now these are the ones I have strong feelings about. So read up boys. If you fit the bill, then step forward and let’s make something unbelievably awesome happen.

Super Hot ‘Fully Sick Rapper’ Has a Super Hot Brother

This episode is long but funny, and has a whole gay theme that runs throughout.

Is James Van Der Beek Making a Comeback?

With this hilarious video and his amazing animated GIFs on JamesVanDerMemes.com, methinks yes. You’ve got to check out his site. I approve.

DILF Khakis from James Van Der Beek

Vandermemes from James Van Der Beek

Bonus Humpday Hotness – Nick Ayler Extras

By now you should know that I’m head over heels for Nick Ayler. A few weeks ago photographer Richard Gerst captured Nick in an amazing car washing scene for DNA Magazine. Lucky me (and lucky all of you too) that EthanSays provided us with the extra shots from that DNA photo shoot.

Click through to enjoy a small gallery of humpy Nick Ayler

Tom Hardy: Sexiness in the Gym

That’s a mighty fine round bubble booty he’s got going on.

Fake Jake Gyllenhaal Naked

This is the most amazing photoshopped naked celebrity shot I’ve seen. And just for about 10 minutes I’m going to pretend it’s not fake. If ya know what I’m sayin’….

View the full hotness after the jump

Wet and Wild: Nick Ayler for DNA Magazine

I sent Santa a special tweet the other day asking for Nick Ayler as a Christmas present. We’ll see if he responds. Right after I sent the tweet, however, Nick’s photos for his DNA Magazine spread hit the webs. Photographer Richard Gerst has done a fantastic job capturing Nick’s gorgeousness. All I have to say is: DAMN! These photos will certainly suffice until Christmas.

A gallery of the sexy DNA photo shoot after the jump

Madd Chadd Is Wicked Sexy (Step Up 3D)

I saw Step Up 3D this weekend and the acting was awful. Actually, the two worst actors were the the goody guy (Luke) and the bad guy (Julian). And despite both these characters being very good looking, I couldn’t look past their bad acting. The highlight of the movie was Madd Chadd and his amazing robot-poppin’. I totally want him to work those moves on me in the bedroom. Damn. Check him out:

Alanis Morissette Interviewed on Chelsea Lately

I LOVE Alanis and I’m so happy that she’s doing so well in life.

When Chelsea mentions that there’s a day in Canada named after Alanis, she asks, “What do people do on that day? Do they just start screaming at their ex-boyfriends?” ROFL. Chelsea Handler cracks me up.

How To: Be a Bad Bitch

André Ziehe for 2(X)IST

Omg, this is the hottest video ever. André Ziehe makes me weak in the knees. Make sure to click through for two hot underwear shots…

The hot underwear shots after the jump

Zac Efron’s CNN Interview

Apparently this promo piece for Charlie St. Cloud (um, yaaawwwwn), was important enough to make to the homepage of CNN. Yep, Breaking News!

Whatever, I’m not a hypocrite for posting it here. I’m not one of the big names in the National News Media… yet. Plus Zac is looking so damn fine these days, and he doesn’t sound like a complete idiot in this interview.

Matt Bomer Dances to Ke$ha

White Collar star Matt Bomer rocks out to a Wii dance game below. (He’s the cute one in the hat on the right). He’s got some funky cute rhythm. His costar on the left, however, is another story.

via Boy Culture

Naked Power Yoga

First, I had to do a double take when I first saw this EthanSays. I thought it said “Naked Power Bottom Yoga.” Maybe that was just a Freudian Slip, or something. Haha…

Second, this video is super hot and NSFW (naked booty and boys kissing). The best part though, is at the 1:43 mark when yoga hottie Ryan Clifford winks at the camera. So cute!


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