Entries from January 2015 ↓

Fox and the Hound

When I was a little kid my favorite stuffed toy was Todd the fox from Disney’s Fox and the Hound (which is still one of my favorite movies of all time because it’s about friendship and love that transcends cultural and racial differences that we are taught as we grow up, and I still cry when Big Momma sings “Best of Friends” and when Copper saves Todd from being shot at the end). I carried my best friend Todd, *everywhere* I went as a kid. My Dad had built us these really awesome play houses and a tree house (two of the houses were on top of these massive boulders and one was literally way up in a tree and they were all connected by ramps and stairs with guardrails and everything!). My sister and I played out there ALL the time. One day I took Todd out for our daily adventures but then accidentally left him in one of the forts overnight. When I woke up I was freaking out that I couldn’t find him. As we walked outside we found him maimed on the back lawn — the dogs had discovered him and chewed off one of his ears. I was devastated.

Moral of the story: Don’t be careless with your toys and don’t leave your toys outside. If you show up late to our party on Friday night you and your fellow misfit toys might just be required to wait outside while the bouncers do their crowd control duty (it’s going to be a very crowded event). I’m just trying to prevent you from suffering the same toy-related the pain I suffered those many years ago. Come play with us, our toys, your toys, and everyone’s toys, but do it on EARLY side of things.

Also, after browsing through Google images, I’m just now realizing after all these years that Todd was totally the bottom.

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City Driving Daydreams

Most of the time I drive Jean Luc (yes, my car has a name, and yes it’s named after Jean Luc Picard) around this congested city like I’m in a combination game of Frogger and Tetris. Zipping in and out of the constantly changing road landscape, neatly fitting into tight spots. Occasionally, as many of you know, I throw in a touch of Speed Racer as I see a series of openings down the road and slam my foot down and my very sporty engine catapults me in-and-out of cars, to the front of the pack.

Lately, in my mind’s eye I’ve been imagining a touch of Mario Kart seeping into the equation. I mean, I would *never* get aggressive or violent on the road or cause any damage or harm. I’m not a roadrager. Not outwardly, anyway. But sometimes people just do the dumbest things. I take it back, not sometimes… Every. Damn. Day. Let’s get real. Driving is like a game of chess. I’m generally looking six, eight, ten moves ahead. “Ok, I need turn left a few blocks from now, I should probably start looking to get over into the left lane. Except that there are always delivery trucks blocking the left lane on this upcoming block, so I’ll cut over just after those and be in the right place at the right time.” Which apparently is not how my oh-so-attentive road mates think about things, “Oh I need to turn left RIGHT NOW but I’m in the far right lane at the intersection. Ok, might as well go for it and cut across three lanes of moving traffic. Oops my bad. Sorrrries.”

Did they forget? Not care? Enjoy inflicting momentary dread into the hearts of dozens of other drivers? Enjoy hearing the sound of brakes squealing? It seems most of them aren’t even looking at the one move directly ahead of them on this chess board of city driving. Probably because they’re too busy texting, talking, or picking their nose (no judgment, but if you can’t pick your nose and drive at the same time, save the green-gold excavation for when you’re not wielding several tons of metal around innocent bystanders).

Oooooooh! Speaking of chess, this gives me an even better daydream. Instead of Mario Kart, it would be so badass if driving were more like that awesome game of Wizard’s Chess that Ron, Hermonie, and Harry had to play in the Sorcerer’s Stone. The one where the pieces would smash into each other and destroy each other… where the Knight slices the other piece in half. Oh damn. That would be SO. MUCH. FUN. “Siri: How much would it cost to install a giant metal-slashing saber on the front of my car…? No, Siri. I’m not trying to buy a used Buick LeSabre. Sigh.”

Which reminds me. I’m terrible at chess. So maybe I’ll just stick to driving. And daydreaming about Mario Kart instead.

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Socrates Are Great

I’m wearing the first pair of my Socrates socks today. (Yesterday’s post explains it all.) So far, they’re comfy, haven’t slipped an inch down my leg, and are super cute. And because you were wondering, that’s my left calf in the picture because I’m pretty sure he’s more photogenic than his right-sided brother. That is all.

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OMG. Socks.

It’s nice to be reminded that the good things happen in the universe.

Years ago I funded a Kickstarter at maximum level because: a) it was for new socks that were super awesome (they don’t wear out, they’re made of kevlar fabric, made from army/navy technology, they don’t slip down your leg, etc.), and b) the name was freaking awesome: Socrates. I mean, come on guys… Socrates. The smarter sock?!?! That name alone was worth the full funding level. Naming geeks like me get off on this kind of stuff!

So anyway, they had some trouble with the kevlar, had to find new fabrics, reengineered the socks, etc., and the dude updated all of us constantly on where they were in the production process over the years. Late last year they started fulfilling orders, but I had already moved. I tried logging into Kickstarter to update my address to no avail. I mostly gave up and hoped that mail forwarding would work.

Then on January 1st my mail forwarding expired and an email update arrived stating that the last shipment of socks was being shipped. I tried to login to Kickstarter one last time with no luck. Oh well, I figured I’d happily sacrifice my hundreds of dollars in the name of better consumer technologies and a brilliant brand name.

Then last night. I get home. A package awaits. Nondescript. Mail-fowarding. Soft. Squishy. I open it up. My socks! Purple. Teal. Grey. Blue. Black. Fuck yeah!

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Keeping Conference Calls Fun

That conference call was amaaaaaazing.
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