12 Aug
Manhunt Destroying Gays’ Social Skills and Culture
This essay by Michael Joseph Gross is fantastic. It’s very well researched and his argument is intriguing. If you’re gay and you use an online dating site, you should read this essay.
His final words:
“When we logged on, I don’t think most of us realized we were creating new secret lives. I don’t think we knew what we were getting into. But we got into it. For most of us, this is not working. And if it’s not working for you, then it’s time to get off.”
This article shows the age of the author. Young straight people use MySpace and FaceBook to make friends and hook up. Why should manhunt and gay dot com be different?
The article has it exactly wrong. Having a place to socialize where there isn’t a cover or the prevalence of alcohol is superior to the bar alternative. I would be interested to see a study about the incident of alcoholism in the gay community in 1998 vs 2008.
The gay community will always have a strong sexual influence. To deny that, is to fundamentally misunderstand the gay community.
August 12th, 2008 at 6:16 pmSisterChristian,
Some valid points, to be sure. I personally don’t enjoy public drinking and really can’t stand the tiny, crowded bars in the Castro. So, for me MH has served the purpose you mention: providing a way to meet guys outside of the high-priced boozy enclaves.
But I don’t think pointing out that MH has had positive effects necessarily negates the fact that it has has potentially had some negative ones too. I certainly recognize MH for its costs and benefits.
On the pro side, I would even add that in SF some have postulated that the incidence of new hiv infections may be lower than without MH and other online dating sites because men can, and do, sero-sort (ie, choose to hook up with guys of their same hiv status) much more easily than in-person meeting places.
That doesn’t mean that MH hasn’t also had the negative effects of reducing social interactions and a sense of community. Although, it is tough to separate the noticeable decline in these social phenomena from the decline of the gay population in the Castro.
The pornogrification (I just made that word up!) of oneself is something I also find an interesting issue that the author brings up. Sure, some guys in SF similarly pornogrify themselves once or twice a year at Folsom and Dore Alley. But now you have everyone on MH doing it from behind the safety and anonymity of a keyboard and monitor. It’s a fascinating phenomena; good or bad I have yet to decide.
I think it’s also important to note that the author of the article is no old fogie. Michael Joseph Gross is only 38 years old, which doesn’t really qualify him as an old-timer.
August 13th, 2008 at 10:25 amHey there Logan…
Is the “de-gehetto-ization” (hehe I can make up words too!!!) of the gay community in the Castro a bad thing? There aren’t less gay people, they are just moving. Out to the burbs or to different parts of the city. I live near SF (in the east bay) and it has been a good 2-3 years since I have been to the Castro. I live not far from my local gay bar but I haven’t been there for almost a year. But I still keep in touch with the same people I did at the bar, we just go to movies or out to dinner or to someone’s house. I don’t think we have “lost” the gay bar, I think we are starting to out grow it.
Re: pronogrification…. Isn’t that what we used to do in the bar when we wanted to hook up. We went to the bar the had the type of guys we like, we dressed up to attract. Yes we did hang out with friends but in the back of our minds we were on the hunt the whole time.
I think gay men of the certain age have very fond memories of our gay bars, but it think it’s time to move on.
August 19th, 2008 at 6:11 pm